vehemently devoted to improvement
Danger alone points us with our own resources: our virtues, our armor and weapons, our spirit, and forces us to be strong.
First principle: one must need to be strong – otherwise one will never become strong. (Nietzsche, 'Twilight of the Idols')
In early adulthood I found myself in circumstances I did not approve of;
lonely, depressed, miserable, lost, confused, undisciplined, and timid. Needless suffering.
After frustration from dwelling in these states for years, addressing symptoms and not causes, running in circles, indulging in distractions and escapes, I hit a wall.
I began to entertain the idea that I was responsible for these states, and I will be responsible for the solution to them.
After the necessary visit to rock bottom, which manifested through a few attempts to end my life, a visit to the psychiatric institution, emotion numbing medications , nihilism, unbearable depression, social anxiety that would express itself in violent physiological symptoms (vomiting, shaking, tensing up), abandoning myself and faith in any future; I had the seed of an idea: xeno.
"What happened, my brethren? I surpassed myself, the suffering one; I carried mine own ashes to the mountain; a brighter flame I contrived for myself. And lo! Thereupon the phantom withdrew from me!" - Nietzsche
Xeno was and is the name of my future self, this phantom that withdrew from me, that justified the suffering from the existential threats and obstacles that I had found myself in.
Slowly and incrementally, I began a lifestyle of accountability and improved each area of my life exponentially after applying certain methods and perspectives. Through consistency and reflection, I have crafted for myself attributes, results, and a lifestyle that couldn't have been imagined by the younger version of me.
I began organizing my philosophy, insight, and observations over the course of this profound change. I adopted the aim of becoming the type of person that my past self would need as a mentor / guide / figure of support.
As principles began to crystallize, I started this website and brand, xenotheory. 'Xeno' is a prefix meaning "from different origin". 'Xeno' also was the name that 2012 me gave to this idealized version of my future self, as a goal that would justify my struggles. This brand and any content from it all focus on one aim; to live a more meaningful, fulfilled and empowering life, by transmuting suffering into strength, tragedy into triumph, misery into mastery.
My life is a continual project and experiment to test hypotheses and methods to fill the role of a meaningful existence.
The entirety of my life is nothing more than the soil for xenotheory to take root and blossom through.
Principles are larger than people.
The rest of my life is committed to endless learning, application, and growth.